Counted among the faithful

Wow so the Easter Vigil. What can I say? It was more than I could ever have expected. It was the most Holy experience in my entire life. The whole time I could just feel the love of the community just wrapping me up. I now know what Mary-Jane was talking about. I think it's just one of those things that unless you can experience it for yourself, you won't quite know what someone is talking about. Raymond my sponsors husband wanted to be my Godfather (in a spontaneous gesture by him, I was very touched) so both him and Margaret were standing as I was being sealed with the Holy Spirit during confirmation (I choose Albert by the way - after St. Albert). Sue also came up from Wellington and it was really, really special to have her there. I was asking her about how to know if and to what God is calling you to do and she said that God works through circumstances and other people and that when hes showing you - you'll just know. So thats nice, I think I have a little while to start noticing and figuring out where God wants me.

I thought I would share some photos of the big night (Magaret has some better ones I think that Sue took):

Getting Baptized. You can see the Easter candel in front of me.

Father Marcus and I afterwards.

Pastoral Area Candiates, Catechumens and Sponsors and Catechists.

Ray (godparent) and his wife Margaret my sponsor.

Monks and Things

I just spend a week with other young Catholic students at Our Lady of the Southern Star Abbey at Kopua and the Monks of the Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance. And all I can say is - WOW. Perfect timing, espeically with the vigil just ONE WEEK away. I will be going back sometime this year. Praying the Prayer of the Church is just amazing.

Reciving Christ in the Eucharist

I confessed to my sponsor today about how I'm a little nervous about reciveing communion. She told me that he comes to us gently in the bread and wine, as he did when he came as an infant to Mary. This made me feel better.

Pro-Life...? Really?

I think the Lord is giving me massive hints now, and I'm still a bit iffy. I just don't like to get all up in peoples faces about my beliefs! I will consider praying outside a clinic (PEACEFULLY!!) and being involved in a few things on campus but... well to be honest the crux of the matter is that its their choice. At what point do you stop and let people damn themselves?

Jesus said that its his way or hell. No inbetween or anything. Accept the gospel and be baptised in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. You can talk to some people till you are blue in the face and the message will never sink in. They have rejected God. At what point do you say "Well, good luck to you! Its your eternity!" and leave them to it?

It makes me sad that my loved ones won't be with me in Heaven (hopefully, didn't our Lady at Fatima say that someone was going to be in purgatory till the end of time!?). I think about it sometimes and I know it will never happen. I can pray though right?

Forgive me Lord, a sinner

Second scrutiny on Sunday was, again, amazing. I can't remember the exact words but baptism was mentioned. So I got dismissed and Margaret and I were talking about Satan in his quiet way is trying to stop me being baptized. Because lets face it - he doesn't want anyone doing what God tells them to do anyways, I think hes trying to dissuade me by preying on my feelings of... -un-acceptableness before the Almighty. I know what baptism does with the forgiveness of sin and all punishment due to actual and original sin but after that I'm scared about sinning again to be honest. But I know its going to happen eventually ("you'll probably want to receive this sacrament before Christmas"). I know that Jesus gave us the sacrament of reconciliation because he knows us but I think confessing to someone else is my problem. I'm afraid he is going to judge me. When I go to confession I don't want a lecture on how I know I've been bad and shouldn't have done it etc etc etc... basically, I just want him to help me get the grace I need in order to avoid that particular sin/s again without the lecture. Perhaps I need to have a talk with someone before going to my first confession or even with the priest on the mechanics of the whole thing. I know I'm not actually talking TO the priest, but to Christ and it is Christ who forgives me but I can still see a priest sitting there. I hope the annon. way of confessing (behind the screen) doesn't go out of style because that's the way I'm going to be doing it for a good long while, if not forever. I don't know why Kate was shocked when I said I was going to do my confessions like that...

I am ashamed of the way I have behaved and I am sort of glad that I haven't been baptized before but if I had I wonder if any of it would ever have happened.

Oh yes, grandma and dad are going to be coming to the easter vigil! Mum was a bit hesitant but she said she would be there for me. I'm glad she said that. Very glad.