I believe...

 Hey random internet future-Catholics. Peace be with you :)

It's been a long time eh?

I'm still Catholic, although that has waxed and waned a bit in the past... 11 years (wow). It has only been this Lent that I've actually decided to try and make faith and God and active part of my life.

So what has happened in all this time?

Moved Out
Graduated
Got a Job
Moved Again
Got Married
Changed Careers

Pretty Standard I think huh?

He is non-religious but will come to Mass with my quite happily. We are doing alpha at the moment but he doesn't like it and I know why - its not intellectual enough for him. I would love to get him talking to a priest with a theology/philosophy background. The Holy Spirit is with him I can feel it. Pray for him and for us.

Love you all.

I went to a Latin mass

And wasn't impressed with it and probably won't go again. I can't explain why, just like I can't explain why I don't like beetroot - I just don't. It was a few weeks ago though. Sometime in September I think. I will stick with novo ordo. Although kneeling at the parts you're supposed to seems better to me which is something we don't do in our Diocese (we stand). It breaks it up nicely so everyone isn't standing for ages.

Thoughts from the other side

There is small thing that just grates my nerves and I don't know why I even read that stuff anymore however, that is beside the point. I'm talking about "Catholic Bloggers" and their more-often-than-not "conservative" views being sprayed all over the web (and the fact that some just drone on and on and on and on and on about 1 thing). I did not join a political party!! I joined the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church! We are one! and Catholic teaching is Catholic teaching and trying to say it's aligned with this sort of politicalism or that is, in my opinion, wrong. Sometimes I think people who don't vote have it right, especially if there isn't a candidate or party to which they can 't reconsile their moral, ethical and religious convictions. I just can't not vote though. I feel is a responsibility of being a citizen of my fair nation but I will try and use my rights with a sound conscience.

I'm a bit depressed with the mystogia though - my felleow neophytes don't seem to think its a period worth paying much attention to. I however, can't seem to get enough of my new faith. I love going to Mass!! I love talking with Kate (who also happens to be the Unviersity Chaplain) about the Bible and Sue is lending me one of hers that has all sorts of side notes and things. I've also got a beautiful rosary  that I'm learning how to pray (asking Mary for intercession is still a bit weird for me still).

After Pentecost I'll decide what to do with this. I might archive it and put it on my HDD.

Counted among the faithful

Wow so the Easter Vigil. What can I say? It was more than I could ever have expected. It was the most Holy experience in my entire life. The whole time I could just feel the love of the community just wrapping me up. I now know what Mary-Jane was talking about. I think it's just one of those things that unless you can experience it for yourself, you won't quite know what someone is talking about. Raymond my sponsors husband wanted to be my Godfather (in a spontaneous gesture by him, I was very touched) so both him and Margaret were standing as I was being sealed with the Holy Spirit during confirmation (I choose Albert by the way - after St. Albert). Sue also came up from Wellington and it was really, really special to have her there. I was asking her about how to know if and to what God is calling you to do and she said that God works through circumstances and other people and that when hes showing you - you'll just know. So thats nice, I think I have a little while to start noticing and figuring out where God wants me.

I thought I would share some photos of the big night (Magaret has some better ones I think that Sue took):

Getting Baptized. You can see the Easter candel in front of me.

Father Marcus and I afterwards.

Pastoral Area Candiates, Catechumens and Sponsors and Catechists.

Ray (godparent) and his wife Margaret my sponsor.

Monks and Things

I just spend a week with other young Catholic students at Our Lady of the Southern Star Abbey at Kopua and the Monks of the Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance. And all I can say is - WOW. Perfect timing, espeically with the vigil just ONE WEEK away. I will be going back sometime this year. Praying the Prayer of the Church is just amazing.

Reciving Christ in the Eucharist

I confessed to my sponsor today about how I'm a little nervous about reciveing communion. She told me that he comes to us gently in the bread and wine, as he did when he came as an infant to Mary. This made me feel better.

Pro-Life...? Really?

I think the Lord is giving me massive hints now, and I'm still a bit iffy. I just don't like to get all up in peoples faces about my beliefs! I will consider praying outside a clinic (PEACEFULLY!!) and being involved in a few things on campus but... well to be honest the crux of the matter is that its their choice. At what point do you stop and let people damn themselves?

Jesus said that its his way or hell. No inbetween or anything. Accept the gospel and be baptised in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. You can talk to some people till you are blue in the face and the message will never sink in. They have rejected God. At what point do you say "Well, good luck to you! Its your eternity!" and leave them to it?

It makes me sad that my loved ones won't be with me in Heaven (hopefully, didn't our Lady at Fatima say that someone was going to be in purgatory till the end of time!?). I think about it sometimes and I know it will never happen. I can pray though right?

Forgive me Lord, a sinner

Second scrutiny on Sunday was, again, amazing. I can't remember the exact words but baptism was mentioned. So I got dismissed and Margaret and I were talking about Satan in his quiet way is trying to stop me being baptized. Because lets face it - he doesn't want anyone doing what God tells them to do anyways, I think hes trying to dissuade me by preying on my feelings of... -un-acceptableness before the Almighty. I know what baptism does with the forgiveness of sin and all punishment due to actual and original sin but after that I'm scared about sinning again to be honest. But I know its going to happen eventually ("you'll probably want to receive this sacrament before Christmas"). I know that Jesus gave us the sacrament of reconciliation because he knows us but I think confessing to someone else is my problem. I'm afraid he is going to judge me. When I go to confession I don't want a lecture on how I know I've been bad and shouldn't have done it etc etc etc... basically, I just want him to help me get the grace I need in order to avoid that particular sin/s again without the lecture. Perhaps I need to have a talk with someone before going to my first confession or even with the priest on the mechanics of the whole thing. I know I'm not actually talking TO the priest, but to Christ and it is Christ who forgives me but I can still see a priest sitting there. I hope the annon. way of confessing (behind the screen) doesn't go out of style because that's the way I'm going to be doing it for a good long while, if not forever. I don't know why Kate was shocked when I said I was going to do my confessions like that...

I am ashamed of the way I have behaved and I am sort of glad that I haven't been baptized before but if I had I wonder if any of it would ever have happened.

Oh yes, grandma and dad are going to be coming to the easter vigil! Mum was a bit hesitant but she said she would be there for me. I'm glad she said that. Very glad.

These are important questions

Its the third week of Lent - the big show (the easter vigil) is... what 3 or 4 weeks away? Yeah there are some things that are yet to be discussed. For example - how does one DO pennance? Does one have to say anything (this questioner actually asked if he had to recited the apostles creed) before being baptized? How are you supposed to recieve the body and blood of Christ during communion? Do you chew or just swallow it down whole? These are some of the questions that were asked last night of our Catechists and mostly all we got was "we will go through that later" ummm... what? The Easter vigil is close and I know that I want to have a good understanding of the details of the process BEFORE it happens. I don't want something as major as my baptism, confirmation and first eurachrist to be explained to be at worst, the day/morning of.

To be honest, these classes just feel like a bible study group. Not that studying the word of God isn't good - I feel that it just isn't the time to be doing it, if catechumens were being dismissed from the Mass after the homily THAT is the time to be doing what we have been doing. I feel R.C.I.A should be based on the catechism and not the lectionary. I may consider writing my own one to be honest. I think it would be useful because I would have gone through the complete cycle - i.e. I wasn't a candidate. I would do 2 parts; one for catechumens who don't know Christ at all, and one for both catechumens and candidates about Catholic Christianity.

"Do not fear for I have redeemed you; have summond you by name - and you are mine" Isaiah 43:1

Todays Rite of Election was, amazing. I'm now part of the elect - those whom the sacraments of inition will be conferred apon at Easter. I feel very chosen now. I truly do feel like God has called summoned me out of darkness and intends on making me his. Part of his people and his church.

I'm doing a lot of prayer and study around baptism now actually. Every time I think about it, I see myself dying and rising. Like St. Paul wrote in his letters to the Romans; "[3] Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? [4] We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Romans 6:3-4).

I hate a quiet moment just before the start of Mass thinking about what its like see others as Christ sees them, and how full of love he must be when he sees us.